In Reply to: Give a little. posted by Diah on Friday, 30. March 2007 at 09:24 Bali Time:
Im about to marry into an Indonesian family, however I've lived on and off in Indo for about 17 years.
I've had people ask me for money, and yes I have given it on some occasions only small amounts (they havent asked me again, funny that)
However, my soon to be hubby's older sister asked me for money, via sms even before we had met in person, and I hit the roof, I told my boyfriend that it upset me (she even asked me NOT to tell him), just because I hadnt even met her face to face, and that was the SECOND sms she had sent me ever.. the first one was saying APA KABAR (love how the indo's work sometimes hehehe)
Then his younger sister the other day, who is working in a good job here with good pay, we went shopping together, and she put everything she bought on the counter when I did expecting me to pay for it. I said where's your money? Im not paying for them... she looked peeved, but Im not letting her get away with it just because I'm Bule.
Yes later on after we are married, I expect some of his family members will ask us for money, I will be saying No, cuz we need the money just as much as them. This seems really mean, but I'm not mega rich and cant support another family, whilst trying to look after myself here. I always have spare money around, but thats for emergencies if I have to leave the country for any reason.
If you have known this couple well for several years, and seen their living conditions in person, I'd give them the money. Maybe in the future they will ask again, maybe not.
If you are going to decline, just get them to try and understand that, the amount is large for you also, and you are unable to help them.
Again I'm being mean...but even without us "bules" they still manage to survive.. even if on very little...but that just makes me realise everyday... that the Indonesians are very "strong" people.. its amazing... especially when you visit the villages and they still manage to smile everyday.... love'em