JHR3 - WHARFIE CHRONICLES - All quiet on Western front....Sunday 8th August
So, it's Sunday morning, and although my watch is still set to BrizVegas time, I wake up early enough to annoy Mrs W, she is still very tired, keeping women away from someone as handsome as me is real hard work, I really should put more effort into becoming un-attractive
Without more ado, although Mrs W is doing her best to pull me back into bed, I decide on the chivalry option. Namely, using the 'other' toilet in our two bed suite , and this has now been re-names 'stinky Pom corner'. I shower, shave and apply my trademark Hermes man perfume, don my Dolce & Gabbana shirt, ( this makes me look a little fat), my denim shorts, my Raybans , my Tag watch and my persona and head off towards the sanctuary of breakfast. What will I encounter? my heart beats faster as I am asked my room number and whether I have been happy with my stay. As I have only been there ten hours, this is quite difficult to answer fully. However, what bit I have seen is impressive, and I'm sure the Outrigger are just as impressed with me
I am about to encounter a disaster of Benhuresque proportions... there is no HP sauce with breakfast!! How can anyone be this slack? and I am thinking of demanding some sort of refund for this... say in the region of 90%..I think that's fair. I can't believe that I travel all this way, for an incomplete breakfast..wah! Note to self...take your ass to Bintang Supermarket to buy some. Anyway, the first thing I spot is that there are very few Bay Marie's, and the 'egg man' is nowhere near as attractive as Ibu Omelette at the Novotel. Then I hear it ... the elegance of the French twang, and I turn around and see a really beautiful lady with a glint in her eye... for her husband of course, and I reckon that they are honeymooners. My wife still looks at me in 'that certain way' but it's usually when I haven't made the bed or put the vacuum around.
Yes... I hear Germans too, and a few Italians, Poms, and unusually, a nice Indian family. Just like the cocktail, this is very cosmopolitan, and also very busy. We are shown to our table, my gait indicates to the waitress that we are worthy of an Ocean View, and I pull out the chair for my wife ( forever the true English gent) , and I seat myself so as I can watch the waves come crashing in... well...ripple then...in fact... it was a duckpond, I'm just trying paint a picture ! Off I go to the fruit, and an ample selection is located near to the three double slice toasters. No rotisserie here, good old fashioned dunk and hope machines. Here, I am about to have my first encounter with Herr German.. but it is a friendly one.Stupid me has pushed the sourdough down too far in the toaster , and it won't pop up...(this is never usually a problem girls)... the German man comes to my rescue, and skilfully manoeuvres a pair of tongs either side of the bread and extracts the offending item. 'Vielen Danke Meinen Comrade' says me... he looks at me as if I've gone out, and heads off to the cornflakes. Amazing how silence can be used as a weapon, crafty lot, these Germans.
Back to the table, I enjoy my fruit, blended with some natural yoghurt, swilled down with my first ‘kopi' of the day. Mrs W heads off to plate up, and I enjoy a little bit of banter with one of the waiters. So now, the big test... cooked breakfast. Well, there was chicken sausage, crispy bacon, mushrooms, tomatoes and those baked beans on steroids. Also, there was noodles, rice and salads to
keep everyone's palate happy. The eggs look well dodgy, I think there is a d'eath of good egg cookers , and this guy can't cut the mustard. His fried eggs are well under cooked , so I go and order poached. They take your table number , and deliver your eggs separately, unless they forget, which in my case, they did. So, no HP sauce and the case of the forgotten egg. I'm not too impressed by this, and I slurp my next ‘kopi' really loudly in disgust.So I'll give brekky six out of ten today, as there is plenty of room to improve.
Breakfast done and dusted, we sit and chat for a while and decide we would like to go to Bintang Supermarket to get some fresh limes. Mr Bluebird has us there very quickly, and I buy the limes, a whole kilo for 11,000 rp... this makes the 60c each I pay back home a complete mockery.We have also bought some soft drink, nuts, crackers and some incense... this is for 'stinky Pom corner' and to burn in general in the suite.
Alighting from the supermarket, we then agree that a trip to Ku-de-Ta would be nice, have a couple of drinks and laze and graze whilst enjoying the surroundings. Another Bluebird drops us there, and as he disappears we suddenly realise that this Sunday lunchtime is home to a private function. Quickly trying to pass myself off as Brad Pitt' s twin didn't work, I was hoping that ther was some sort of ‘A' list for entry, Mrs W reckoned I would struggle to make a ‘Z' list. How hurtful.
We walk back along JL Raya Ayu and we now change our lunch choice to Ultimo... when we get there, we find that it is closed ! dear me, where to go now? I do remember printing off a ‘to do' list of restaurants and that Chandi was one of them. We amble back there and we are offered 2 seats in the front aircon section by the window. Very nice too, and Mr and Mrs W can highly recommend. We had beef rendang parcels and crab dumplings for entree, and I had the superb Barramundi with basil emulsion, ( sounds posh eh?), Mrs W had the beautifully cooked short ribs with bok choy . Having scoffed mine, I had to help, as you do, the damsel in distress, I did this by relieving her of one of her ribs. To finish off a wonderful lunch , we had the three way chocolate mousse...( been ages since I'd had a three way girls), and the vanilla custard which was filled with crystallised spices. Totally brilliant, and with drinks and coffes...was around 700,000rp.. to be honest, this was a bargain for the quality and anbience. I will upload pics soon of the food to good old Facebook so you can see for yourselves.
Mrs W then wants to walk back to Seminyak Square to have look at the market stalls that are in situ today, she treats herself to a couple of dresses , a belt and an armlink with yours truly. I'm so glad she treatd herself when she is on holiday, her job is very demanding, but she would easily be the best in the business at it. On a side note, I needed to change $100 whilst at these markets and I went to see Mr Dodgy Dealer... sure enough he magically made 200,000rp disappear before my very eyes, but, my $100 went back in my wallet even quicker. Any changer offering a rate well above the norm, ( this one was 8490) is always going to be suss because they use that last number to trick you into giving them some rupiah to even up the number. We are more streetwise that that, and to this day still have no idea where that extra money goes.. I know they always inssit on counting it themselves twice, and when you get angry with them, they soon back off. So , that episode over , I head for a 'proper' money changer where I get 810,000 for my $100
We return with Mr Bluebird back to base, and settle down to watch a movie with a couple of glasses of Frangelico , lime and ice. Just about chilled my mobile pings with a message...it's Wayan from the Umalas Villas, he is at Blue Ocean , having dropped people off who are staying at his Villa, and he has to wait around for them for 2 hours. We change very quickly, have a quick shower, and run down the steps to meet him... and there he is... sitting on a scooter opposite Flying Fish resturant... he gives me a hug that saves me a chiropractor visit, and saves a less harsh one for Mrs W
Wayan looks really well, and starts to tell us about the dramas he is currentky enduring with the current owner of the Villa, and this will be saved for another episode....
I am so tired by the time I get 'home' , and I don't even remember going to sleep...what a great day, it's just so good to be back. But damn...I forgot to get some HP sauce from the supermarket.... I wonder what Concierge will say if I call.....?
More soon
Love to you all...Wharfie.....xxxx