Well.........since we have ridden down a volcano, power-slid down a quad bike course, set an olympic record in traversing Jalan Legian and had a little nap on the 'Slingshot," it left only one challenge unconquered...downhill drowning!!! Yes, W.W.R. White Water Rafting!
Cue the theme music from the movie 'DELIVERANCE' [ that's duelling banjo's for all you youngsters.] We eleven, very spiffy looking adventurers, strut out of the bus with the the creak of stiff joints and the unmistakable waft of contained satay flatulence....We have arrived at The Telaga Waja River. Our charming dwarf-like boat guide, Leo, enthusiastically compresses 30 minutes of safety theory into 30 seconds....."Any questions you boodogghs," he says with a cheesey grin. { Must look up what that means....]
As we squeeze into life-jackets several sizes too small and hammer child sized helmets onto our noggens, it sudddenly occurs to me that there may be serious consequences in visiting BreadTalk bakery 5 times a day. Several Japanese paddlers shift from one foot to the other nervously as we test the durability of our paddles on each others buttocks. Why is it when you smack some people on the backside half of them cry "OOWWW!!" and the other half whimper "MMMMMMM?" Very disconcerting.
One of our group had brought along a Jolly Roger pirate flag so as to communicate to all mariners on the day our true intentions. So as we made our way down to the rafts we practiced our gutteral pirate ," AAARRRRGH's." Leo, our guide ,just seemed to shake his head whenever we said something... Our fellow Japanese paddlers shot us very nervous looks and quickened their pace to the waiting rafts.
Oh, look over there!!! There's the old German lady with the zimmer frame. { Wonder how that's gonna go in a raft? } And thus, dear readers, we pushed off and suddenly realized that we had no paddles and no Leo...........................................back-peddling, we pulled up to the bank to find Leo , arms folded, still shaking his head, muttering, " Boodoggh, boodoggh, boodoggh." I must find out what this Balinese blessing means.
TAKE TWO> > Leo on board, off we go. Furiously paddling in circles. Leo is not happy. "NO,NO,NO!! Both sides paddle.You with the eye patch. Get back in boat!!!" And so with no small effort, Leo points us in the right direction. "
Where do you suppose our Japanese buddies are? There, way ahead, furiously paddling casting furtive backward glances at us. Poor old things must be missing our cheery company...Let's catch up to them.
Leo was obviously enjoying our fast paddling as he broke into a rousing chorus of that Balinese song, "Hati Hati." Wasn't long before we caught up to those cheeky little chappies from the Island of Nippon.
Boy !, we they surprised to see us. Their jaws were positively agape as we drew along side them. "AAAAARRR!!!!," we all growled and waggled our pirate flag at them. Saucy minxes that they are, they screamed cheery greetings like, "Banzai" at us and proceeded to through gifts of water bottles and shoes to us. Some of them were quite firm in their throwing, too. Not to be outdone, we returned their playful taunts by dousing them with all the water we could flick at them. I think we may have overdone it a bit because their raft began to sit a bit low in the water.
We took off expecting them to playfully chase after us. They called after us in broken English, something about the Battle of The Coral Sea, but I didn't quite catch it all. The current was certainly picking up now and Leo had made us understand that he didn't want us to paddle so hard by taking our paddles away from us. Leo had an outstanding ability to find ever big rock that was in the river. BOOOM, the whole raft would concertina almost in half with every impact. "AAAAAAAAGGGGHHHHH" we would joyfully scream as Leo would flail about, wide eyed with five paddles in his hands.
Before we knew it, we sidled up to a rest spot on the banks where all the other boats had stopped for a little rest and drink stop. Boy oh boy did poor old Leo need this. Poor little devil crawled off by himself sitting with his arms wrapped around his knees practising our pirate calls quietly to himself."Aaaaaaaarrgh," over and over. His other guide buddies came over to chat with him but he brushed them away, obviously keen to master his pronunciation.
We chatted away with all the other paddlers but they weren't very good conversationalists . They must have been wet and cold as they stood close together in a tight group with their arms folded to keep warm. Poor things. Just then our little Japanese buddies shot passed us, not stopping for a rest. They too must have been wet and cold as they sat with their arms folded not looking at us at all. Their guide, however, gave us a lovely wave and that old Bali blessing,"BOODOGGH!!!!"
Back into the raft we scrambled, carrying Leo with us. He obviously didn't get a chance to have a softdrink as we had a devil of a time stopping him from climbing back out of the boat. Wrestling our paddles back from Leo, we furiously paddled after our Japanese friends hoping to continue our fun. Obviously they wanted to race us because as soon as they saw us thet took off, wide eyed and shouting.
We eventually had to give up the chase as most of us we busy restraining poor old Leo from flapping his arms about and hoarsely shouting ,"waterwall, Boss, waterwall !!!" { What on earth is a 'waterwall?' }
All along the banks of the river local villagers had gathered, waving and cheering at us. Goodness there must have been alot of them coz there was a heck of a din. In fact, quite a roar. Not too sure what happened next but when we picked ourselves out of the water there was Leo hugging the upturned raft with tears of joy & laughter. What a great guy. So dilligent. When we went over to help him with the raft he fought us off and said,"No, no . You go home now." Just fantastic, he was...
Very odd thing . They call it 'White water rafting.' Not once did I see any 'white' water. Just Brown, and Grey and Green. As we trudged up the stairs we cast one last look back to see all Leo's guide buddies hugging the little fellow and congratulating him on a job well done.Poor little beggar, there where tears of joy in his eyes....
NEXT: THE SHOPPING EXPEDITION