In Reply to: would you leave 13 & 3yo alone in room? posted by stephjoy on Thursday, 16. July 2009 at 16:18 Bali Time:
stephjoy, I think you need to put yourself in Madeleine McCann's parent's shoes and think about how many times over the years they must have wished and hoped and prayed for the ability to turn back time and make some different decisions than the ones they ultimately did :(
Well, sadly, they can never do this, no matter how many tears and self-recriminations are shed, but you have the power now to make those same decisions and I think you know what you need to do. Ask your husband the same - I don't think he can argue with this. There but for the grace of God,(and some wise decisions)go you.
Now, having said that, I will add one more thing. I, personally, would actually not leave my child alone with a babysitter in Bali. The only times I have considered a babysitter was for the purpose of them coming WITH us and supervising and entertaining our child in circumstances where we knew we would be distracted with other things and could not give him our full 100% attention/supervision. I don;t think I could relax if he was left alone with a babysitter in Bali without us nearby because I have heard so many horror stories of things like people coming back to their hotel room at 11pm to find their babysitter fast asleep and the patio door open and the 2 year old sitting on the edge of the pool.
I love Bali and the Balinese, but it is easy to slip into rose coloured glasses territory and overlook the reality. The Balinese are, in general, beautiful people who adore children but the reality is that they are living in a 3rd world country and often it is a hand to mouth existence. The reason you hear so many stories like the one above is that your babysitter will probably have been working very hard since the early hours of the morning at their day job whether it is in a hotel restaurant or their market stall or in the fields. They have probably traveled a long way from their home village and are, understandably, exhausted. I can totally understand why they pass out and are hard to rouse.
If I were to use a babysitter overseas then I think I would only do so as an aide rather than a complete replacement for my presence. Only because I would not enjoy myself or feel comfortable, so far from home without my children in eye or earshot.
Of course the decision is yours, but some decisions are smarter than others and at the very least a babysitter is better than no babysitter.
As far as the 13year old having her nose put out at having a babysitter, well that is non-negotiable in my book, but if you really must satisfy her as to why there needs to be a babysitter present then you should appeal to logic. If she thinks she's an adult then hit her with some adult logic that she can't argue with. I have no doubt that she is well aware of Bali's history with terrorists and you should just remind her that you are all now in a foreign country, far from home, that has had an unfortunate history in regard to terrorism and targeting of Australian tourists. Remind her that a 13 year old Australian girl would not have the first clue of what to do if a similar situation should arise and that is why you are leaving in charge an Indonesian adult who speaks the language and knows where to go and what to do in the unlikely event that something should happen. Remind her it is highly unlikely that anything will occur but it is the best available precaution that you feel comfortable with as parents and anything less is non-negotiable. I honestly do not believe she can argue with this logic and this should assuage any sense of indignation that she is not to be trusted looking after her sister etc - i.e it has nothing to do with her age or your trust in her responsibility but the rather the circumstances.