In Reply to: exactly posted by Freogirl on Saturday, 31. March 2007 at 22:13 Bali Time:
to see some realistic information posted on the topic of westerner's relationships with Indonesians and the proposition of looking at these friendships from the other side of the coin. Maybe it is because your experience from living in / being married to an Indonesian this thread thankfully hasn't deteriorated into a slanging match or flaming.
The points both of you have raised are true. From my perspective, as a tourist, we can only gain this vantage point from experiencing the good and bad ourselves. Surely, otherwise we would all be running around with rose coloured glasses repeating the mantra of how lovely all the Balinese are, their beautiful smiles and on and on....
As I have read through this thread again I have found myself nodding in agreement with much of what has been said. Chickchili also makes the point of gifts being given with no strings attached. If you give something, have no expectation of getting something in return. That is not the basis on which to give. I know of people who have given gifts and money and later said their 'friends' didn't even appear grateful.
As has been mentioned some people,'adopt' a family as their own personal 'charity' project. I am sure the intention isn't for their generosity to be viewed in this manner, but from first hand conversations with some 'adopted' recipients they feel both awkward and in many cases dont want the gifts they have been given.
I posted before that the art of giving and receiving requires a delicate balance. There is a fine line we tread and particularly when interacting with another culture. I have enjoyed reading this thread, wish there were more like them. cheers :-)