In Reply to: Requests for money posted by Freogirl on Friday, 30. March 2007 at 09:17 Bali Time:
I pretty much agree with you. Over 20ish years of going to Bali this has happenned to me twice. The parents of a child for whom I was in the habit of bringing gifts and whose education I had helped pay for sent a message via a mutual friend asking that instead of sending her gifts would I please give them money. I thanked the intermediary for the message and told her not to worry as she was embarassed about the whole thing. Our first reaction was that we would cease contact but on second thoughts we decided that it really wasn't the fault of the child and so continued to help with the education and still send gifts via a cousin of the child who works in Legian. No money.
The other occasion was when we helped a friend out to get into a business. It was called a loan but I really didn't want or expect it to be repaid. Then came the 2nd bomb and he couldn't make a go of the business with the reduced tourists and so went back to his old job. That was sad but OK and not his fault at all. He said he still had the money in the bank and was waiting for a smaller shop in a better position to come up. That was OK too. Then the SMS requests for help began and the stories just didn't ring true. "His house had fallen down back in his village" so could we send him money. I said that I was sorry but no we couldn't. Then a couple of weeks later "My father needs an operation and he will die without it" (Dad is still going strong) again I said no, and suggested he use some of the money in the bank but he said that he couldn't because he was keeping it for the shop. What bugged me this time was that he didn't take no for an answer and kept on texting me still asking.
Well sadly that was the end of our friendship. It just went sour for me and I no longer reply to his messages and when we bump into him he looks as uncomfortable as we feel.
However and it's a big however!! After the first bomb I helped out six of our friends from the beach who were in distress. Not a large amount each but still it added up. They were very gratefull and have never since asked for more not even after the 2nd bomb. We are still friends.
Doesn't help your dilemma a bit really does it? However in future I will never give money. If things go bad again (God forbid) I would follow the tried and true advice to give foodstuffs!!!
Sorry to be longwinded.